White Knuckles

I am home from work after a very busy day, Matthew is getting his shower, the others are spending the night with Aunt Debbie, and I am "white knuckling" it. You know, when you are holding on to something so tight that your knuckles turn white? I am holding on to my emotions and my composure. I am holding on to my life and my family as I live today. I am holding on to my dreams for my child (and myself). I am holding on the prayers and expressions of love that we have been overwhelmed with through this journey. I am holding on to the faith of a child, my child.

One of the most difficult moments I have faced in my life was sending my dying infant into surgery, not knowing. . .

He did not die, he thrived.

So I am holding on with white knuckles tonight, praying for the strength and grace to let go tomorrow, let go of my child once again so that he can be healed, to let go and give it all to Him.